Friday, September 11, 2009

I Surrender

I have been less sad lately. I thought. Then an hour later as I wipe down the dining room table a wave of sorrow hits. It overcomes me and threatens to swallow up any plans I had for my day. I try to fight it fearing I may never be normal again, but my love for daddy always wins out.

I surrender to the tears and hide my face in a pillow to muffle the cries. It is maddening to KNOW that papi is heaven, I will see him again, heaven is a better place, and he is in complete bliss with our savior. I can't imagine how those without faith survivie seasons like these because in spite of this precious TRUTH I feel no comfort. I embrace this priceless sorrow and surrender to what the Lord has ordained for me today. I surrender all Lord, your will not mine.

Father, I don't know how things work up there, but if it's possible tell papi how much I love him and how it much he meant to me. And, please I would like to see him in my dreams. Please Lord, let me see him even if it's only a dream.

I miss you Papi.
Psa 31:9
Have mercy on me, O LORD, for I am in trouble; My eye wastes away with grief, [Yes], my soul and my body!
Psa 23:4
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You [are] with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
Ecc 1:18
For in much wisdom [is] much grief, And he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.
Psa 119:76
Let, I pray, Your merciful kindness be for my comfort, According to Your word to Your servant.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Need Washing?

A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in Target. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence. It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout. We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door of the Target.

We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.

The little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in "Mom let's run through the rain," she said. "What?" Mom asked.

"Lets run through the rain!" She repeated.

"No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit," Mom replied.

This young child waited about another minute and repeated: "Mom, let's run through the rain,"

"We'll get soaked if we do," Mom said."No, we won't, Mom.. That's not what you said this morning," the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm.

This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?

"Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, 'If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!"

The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn't hear anything but the rain. We all stood silently. No one came or left in the next few minutes. Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.

"Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If GOD let's us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing," Mom said.

Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case. They got soaked. But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.

And yes, I did. I ran I got wet. I needed washing.

Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories...So, don't forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories everyday. To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.

I HOPE YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME TO RUN THROUGH THE RAIN.

A dear friend sent this story to me a few weeks ago. Of course I sobbed thinking of my dad who is now gone and how we used to run through the rain when I was kid growing up in N.Y. But, just as rain washes away the dust in the air the Lord washed away my sadness by showing me how I had been blessed with 41 years great years with my dad. I have learned that I can find joy in the rain. It's been raining a lot in my neck of the woods lately. I don't wait anymore for it to stop. I run squeeling all the way and for some reason it always makes me giggle. I love watching people run to their cars in the rain as if they were running from poison sprinkles. they don't run like you would normally run playing a sport. Everyone looks so goofy. My dad used to always say "flowers need water!" referring to ME when we got caught in the rain. Thanks you Jesus for not only washing away my sin, but also for washing away my sadness when it becomes to much to bear. Try it. Trust me, next time it rains GET WET!

Monica